even though it's thursday it feels like friday...

because i have tomorrow off and a three day weekend to look forward to...actually i just noticed the time and it is tomorrow already.

so the question preoccupying my mind at the moment is "to tattoo or not tattoo?"
i've got a couple of designs i've drawn and some really nice fonts i like but i'm still undecided whether to get a new one or not. I already have two that i got when i was 1. 18 and 2. 19 years old and going through a bit of a rebellious phase. ok so i admit they are small and not visible with clothes on but i still love them.

I'm still particularly taken with my blue rose
(i know not very butch but i was a delicate thing in my youth haha) and the designs i have incorporate the ones i already have but something is still holding me back.

another question i have is "what does it mean when i reopen an online dating profile and whilst searching around, looking at other profiles, i give the cock shots a miss and go for faces that attract me?" actually i know the answer to that...and i think it's that i've overcome a little bit of a hurdle - that being: the objectification of men and their bodies has shifted for me again.

I think the lonliness i've been dealing with has allowed me to see that what i actually want is companionship (and play) with actual conversation. it's quite easy to lose myself in a sea of man flesh but the reality is that i want more than that. it's almost a year now since i broke up with my ex and i can feel the winds of change moving in agian. i'm still learning to just be: and enjoy the silence of being with myself so i'm not looking for anything heavy but something more than a 1 night stand would be good.

this seems to be a tiresome circular realization and i'm sure i've blogged about it before but that's the way i feel today. i think at heart i'm an idealistic dyed in the wool romantic, who fell for the malicious lies of the happy ever after as a child. The realist in me never believed this but the romantic still has his claws sunk in...the one who in the dead of the night, when the lonliness is at it's worst screams out, "i want my sleepless in seattle moment".
to quote a very famous Boy "tragedy queen" - think i'll adopt it as my monika for a while ;)