just me

the house is finally all mine. my ex moved the last of his stuff out yesterday. Went over to his new place last night for the first time and then we went out and had dinner together. felt strange but also familiar. it's great to see him so happy in his new place and i think things are going to work out well for him.

i'm feeling a lot more relaxed and looking forward to now rearranging the house to how i want it. i'm kind of surprised at how settled i'm feeling emotionally. i think seeing him last night and getting back into the swing of relating as friends, chatting and laughing really helped. i was slighlty anxious before i got to his place but that didn't last, and now i just feel a sense of relief that there will be no drama.

i watched my parents, other relatives and friends go through terribly messy break-ups and divorces and was determined to not go down that path. i don't feel a need to do the whole anatomy of a break-up analyzing, blaming, resenting. it doesn't feel necessary and i don't think that is avoiding issues, it just means for me that the issues have already been pretty much resolved.

i still have my moments of sadness but last night confirmed that the decision we made is the right one for both of us. the two of us, i think, were the most relaxed we had been with each other for a long time and that made me very happy. i may have lost a partner but i feel like i'm getting my friend back, and that's fantastic.

apart from feeling like a pretzel, now having to contend with the after effects of my gardening exploits and what it has done to my back, life is pretty good. i'm starting to regain a sense of routine, which i need, and also a sense of adventure, which i need more, and am feeling quite optimistic about my future.

i had been toying with the idea of growing my hair back and had fun playing around with a friends wig.


however, comfort and good sense won out and i've gone for the no 2 all over again